In the family legacy process, I sometimes have kids come to me and ask, “How can I get closer to my parents?” Sometimes the question is phrased, “How can I understand my parents better?”

It’s a great question.

Usually, the question is marked by some past wound or scar that the child has. And keep in mind that these are adult children still trying to navigate the way of a relationship with their adult parents.

I tell them something pretty simple: Parents typically need gratitude. Children need respect.

Put differently, parents want their children to express gratitude for the sacrifices they made for them—to acknowledge the work and dedication they made. On the other hand, kids need respect—to be treated as adults. So many times parents still see their kids as 12-year-olds and offer advice freely whether asked for or not.

So back to the question—how do you draw closer to your parents? Reach out to them. Take them out to lunch and pay for it too! Then ask them some of the questions about the past—what it cost to get there, the sacrifices made. And then say, “Thanks, I appreciate all that you did for me.”

It’s the first step as part of the journey.

Photo by Raychan on Unsplash

Bill High

Bill is CEO & Founder of Vyne Legacy. He works with families to equip them with tools to build multigenerational legacies, and he teaches givers and financial advisers on transformational biblical generosity. He is the co-author with David Green of Giving It All Away and Getting It All Back Again: The Way of Living Generously.

Published March 28, 2022

Topics: Family Legacy

ChildrenFamily LegacyGenerationsMulti-GenerationalParenting