How do the best leaders sometimes make a mess of their family?

David was the second king in the history of Israel.  His resume was remarkable. He entered the throne in a time of tumult but brought unity to his kingdom.  He subdued the surrounding nations and brought peace. His riches were vast.  

But something went awry with his kids.  One of his sons, Amnon, raped his brother’s (Absalom) sister.  

After the rape, David did nothing.  Seeing this, Absalom plotted revenge. Two years later Absalom murdered Amnon. Absalom fled but David did not pursue. Eventually, Absalom returned but even upon his return for two years David did not see or talk to his son.  

Like a child demanding attention, Absalom burned the field of the commander of David’s army. While Absalom was finally granted an audience with his father, no apparent significant conversation occurred–no attempt to address past wrongs or conflicts.  Not long after, it’s recorded that Absalom set out to steal the hearts of the men of Israel from David.  Ultimately, Absalom led a coup for the kingdom and forced his father out of the throne even for a temporary period.  

Absalom died as David sought to defend his throne.

To preserve a lasting family legacy, parents must engage their children–even if, and when they don’t know what to say. Left unaddressed, the child, even the adult child, will still act out and demand the attention that was not given.

Bill High

Bill is CEO & Founder of Vyne Legacy. He works with families to equip them with tools to build multigenerational legacies, and he teaches givers and financial advisers on transformational biblical generosity. He is the co-author with David Green of Giving It All Away and Getting It All Back Again: The Way of Living Generously.

Published February 4, 2016

Topics: Lessons with Bill

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